2 points to the blond in the heels... (LoTD)

I love news aggregators. Unlike watching cable news, you can just scan headlines and click on what you'd like to know about, ignoring what you don't.

It's by this method that I've been vaguely aware of a story involving same-sex marriage and Miss California. Here's the summary if you missed it...

Original Miss CA, Carrie Prejean (I'm sure there's a Levis joke in there somewhere) was tossed out and 'de-crowned' for saying that she believed - like a majority of Californians - that marriage is defined as between 1 man and 1 woman. She was replaced by Tami Ferrell (runner-up maybe?)....

...who apparently holds the same belief.

The line of the story is from Ferrell, who shows commendable humor and perspective in saying:

"You know, I think it's hilarious right now that the world is turning to beauty queens for the answers..."

LotD (summarized) - Fighting Talk (BBC)

This LoTD is a summary of a hilarious point I just heard on Fighting Talk (podcast it, listen to it).

A male from south central LA has a 1 in 3 chance of ending up in jail. A staggering fact until you consider that after current Gov. Rod Blagojevich is convicted, 4 of the past 8 Illinois governors have also ended up in prison....

You are more likely to go to get locked up from the IL state capital than Compton... gotta love Chicago politics.

LotD - darthvader

The number one topic on Twitter at the moment is 'Alderaan' (Princess Lea's home planet in Star Wars) thanks to a user called... darthvader. Best line to commemorate Earth Day.

"Just be glad I don't celebrate Earth Day the way I celebrated Alderaan Day"

Has he been here too long?

Today on our way to the park, Cam looked over at one of the many abandoned buildings that we have here (either half built, half wrecked or some combination of the two) and said,

"Ohhh, a castle! It's beautiful!"

Either he's been here altogether too long or he was just born to live in eastern Europe.

LotD - James Lileks

Whom the gods would destroy, they first make ironic: [Former Chairman to the Federal Reserve] Ben Bernanke's childhood home sold - after foreclosure.

-Lileks

I caught this from him via Twitter. If you're a Tweet, I recommend you follow him... he's brilliant.

LoTD - Sergey IceCreamakov

Oh, man....

I've been waiting for Sergey to leave so I could post this.  

Tonight we were playing dominos and he was singing (apparently) the lyrics to "Fergalicious."  At one point during the chorus he substituted the title word for "Fridgelicious" - as in, "My body is fridgelicious."

I love the idea of a hip-hop song talking about having a fridgelicious body.  I think the genre may have turned a corner here.

LotD - James Lileks

Lileks has a few - direct from Twitter - talking about the extremely cold weather in Minneapolis Friday.

"Temp is still One. But they're releasing 1.1 as a noon upgrade."

and 

"Economy hits Minnesota weather, temperature lays off three degrees. Ah, noon warmth - when will I see you again?"

and 

"News from overseas weather forecasts pushs the temp up to 12 in late-day trading!"

There are no words

I'm not really sure how to describe this one...

I read this on Slick's blog yesterday but waited till today to post about it (I have a general rule about not posting more than 2 times/day).  You'll just have to read it yourself:

Catsup...A Government Conspiracy

A few Saturdays ago, Stacey and I swung by the Wendy’s drive through to pick up some lunch. I was in a very contemplative and philosophical state that day, so I was pondering many of life’s biggest questions. As we sat in line, I turned to Stacey and asked her about the one in particular that had been weighing heavy on my mind:

Whatever happened to catsup?

Seriously, haven’t you ever wondered what happened to catsup and why everything now is called ketchup? What was so bad about catsup? Why did it disappear from the shelves? Did ketchup go better with Haterade? As far as I can remember, catsup and ketchup looked the same and tasted the same. Obviously, there had to be answers out there and someone had a lot of explaining to do.

Surprisingly, there wasn’t a whole lot of information out there on this topic. Seems to me that there has been a lot of covering up by the “ketchupers” and of course, it involves the federal government. Just like Area 51, the JFK assassination, and many other examples, the fate of catsup seems to be part of a huge government conspiracy.

It all started shortly after World War 2. As America entered the 1950's, it appeared as if only 3 major brands remained to steal the spotlight...Heinz Ketchup, Del Monte Catsup, and Hunts, who could not decide on a spelling and bottled under the names Hunts Catsup (east of the Mississippi), Hunts Ketchup (west of the Mississippi), and Hunts Tomato Cornchops (in Iowa only). At some point in the 1980s, the federal government stepped in and ketchup was declared a vegetable on the government's standards for school lunch menus. Suddenly catsup, because of its spelling, was not on the approved list. Heartbroken “catsupers” could see the end in sight. It wasn't long afterwards that Del Monte changed the product's name to Del Monte ketchup and Hunt’s remedied its schizophrenic position on the subject.

So then the question then becomes, why did the federal government feel the need to step in and end this ongoing debate? And why did they have to bring children into this mess? Proposing that the “ketchupers” had better lobbyists is too easy of an answer, as is the failure of Hunts to “earmark” their right to call it Hunts Tomato Cornchops. There is a better explanation. From my extensive research, I believe that ketchup was responsible for the fall of the Berlin Wall, and hence, the end of the Cold War and the eventual collapse of the Soviet Union and communism. Top secret U.S. government documents reveal that in the 1980s, the Heinz company still had strong ties to its founder’s home country, Germany. Billions and billions of dollars worth of tomatoes and ingredients that went into making Heinz ketchup were actually manufactured in East Germany and were being smuggled into the United States by the U.S. military. Many people don’t realize this, but the U.S. government used U.S. military aircraft and warships as commercial shipping vessels during this time. In the end, our ketchup habit was supporting communist East Germany with cold hard cash. At first, the U.S. threatened to call the product catsup, thereby dooming East Germany’s economy to utter ruin. However, this would have also exposed the huge cover-up operation between the United States and East Germany. In an attempt to pacify the East Germans and avoid a huge ketchup scandal, the U.S. government negotiated the agreement to name the condiment ketchup on school lunches as fair trade to bringing down the Berlin Wall. The East Germans accepted the overthrow of their government for the economic right to now legally supply us with their yummy ingredients while the U.S. government avoided certain disaster and the exposing of their continued backing of East German communism to support our eating habits.

Hence, ketchup.

Iowa Tomato Cornchops!  Hahaha, I love it.  You get Line of the Day

KOR Kast is up

The KOR Kast from 48 hours ago just hit iTunes today.  Do not delay in subscribing and downloading this latest episode with Andy Braner of Kanakuk Colorado.

As a side note, while following the live stream of Monday's show (on Castle Rock Radio), I was blessed with the quote of the week...

Someone on the chat forum that is part of the live video feed (if you haven't done this you're missing out on the fun) made a comment that was something like, "Marshall, how did you get to be so cool?  You're like a mountain Ed McMahon!!"  I presume this was intended as a compliment....

LotD - Jason Tesar

"It spans from the beginning of time through the end of the world.... it's pretty ambitious."

- Jason in classic understatement trying to describe his just-completed fictional book project this morning

LotD - Jonah Goldberg

"Sometimes I wonder if he was a taste-tester at a red paint chip factory."

-Jonah Goldberg

 

Election Day...

...the highlight of every "refresh button's" career.

Election Satire

I think I've decided to put a moratorium on serious election-related posts barring some massive unforeseen event (I get the arguing out of my system over at my Uncle's blog).  I will instead try for satirical pieces that are hopefully more readable and better for everyone's blood pressure.

This clip is from righty blogger Iowahawk who does some great satirical news posts.  There's a good chance that some of you won't agree with the sentiment but you have to admit that it's funny.  The best line is where he talks about not excluding voters based on their "existential status." It's in bold as my line of the day. I repeat, this is satire.  Some of the numbers and concepts come from actual stories but most is rubbish.

ST. LOUIS - Attorneys for the voting registration organizations ACORN and Project Vote filed an anti-discrimination voting rights suit in the U.S. Federal District court this morning, alleging the United States government is involved in "a widespread, systematic effort to disenfranchise Imaginary-Americans and deprive them of access to polls."

"Participation in our electoral process is a fundamental right, and the foundation of our democracy," said ASDF ASDFG, a spokesperson for the National Association for the Advancement of Imaginary People, one of the groups named as plaintiffs in the class action. "We will not be silent when government denies people access to the polls on the basis of color, or sex, or existential status."

The new suit was prompted by on a series of law enforcement raids of ACORN offices in 10 states over the past week, as well as a reported Justice Department investigation. Federal and state officials say they were acting on tips of fraudulent voter registration forms, after election officials reported a flood of unusual applications submitted by ACORN canvassers. In Las Vegas the Clarke County election commission reported thousands of registrations signed by the Dallas Cowboys, while in St. Louis officials discovered thousands of others signed by Power Rangers, Menudo, and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. In Cleveland, Ohio Republican officials complained to the Federal Election Commission after early-voting sites barred observers when thousands of Invisible-Ohioans arrived at the polls aboard hundreds of invisible ACORN buses. In Ida Grove, Iowa, Ida County Registrar Debby Ballard expressed concern when a convoy of Chicago ACORN semis submitted 4,000,000 provisional ballots, 17 seconds before a 5 pm deadline.

"I'm proud that Ida County can boast of a 114,312% voter registration rate, but I'm not sure if I can get all of them processed by Monday," said Ballard. "I've got a pilates class in Sioux City."

After the raids, ACORN officials initially blamed the problems on rogue volunteers.

"We are in the midst of our most successful signup ever, registering over 7 trillion new voters in the last week alone," said ACORN spokesman Charles Jackson. "It's impossible to have 100% quality control, and a few misspellings might have fallen through the cracks."

On Tuesday, ACORN said it would dismiss any workers suspected of fraud, and would outsource 40% of voter registration jobs to Banglore Registration Industries.

"The quality control is better in India, and we can save over $35 per metric ton," noted Jackson.

After consultation with attorneys, however, ACORN -- which has received $800,000 from the Obama campaign for registration efforts -- filed a suit claiming the increased legal scrutiny was driven by a political agenda. Amicus briefs were added from several Imaginary Rights groups, adding civil rights violations to the list of complaints.

"Whether we are obituary notices, hallucinatory giant rabbits, or strings of random keyboard strokes, it's time for the chimera community to stand up and claim our rights as citizens," said ASDFG. "We will no longer be silent and invisible. Okay, maybe invisible."

In addition to $3.2 jubajillion in damages and free federal mortgages for homeless spectres, the suit also seeks enforcement of the Americans with Dimensional Disabilities Act. The Act requires voting places to make accommodations for existentially-challenged voters who have trouble completing ballots written in standard 3-dimensional reality. The accommodations include multiple site registration, time travel, and allowances for alcoholics to cast ballots for dependent D.T. phantasms.

"Many of our community inhabit the Tapioca subluster of the 11th Dimension, and it's hard for them to find a convenient spacehole to make it to the local elementary school," explained ASDFG.

A ruling in the suit is expected later this week from St. Louis federal appelate judge Fwinklezorg the Hydragoat.

LOtD Discussion - Donald Miller @ DNC

I caught the transcript of Donald Miller's (Blue Like Jazz) talk at the Democratic National Convention in Denver and there was a line that I thought was odd and I wanted to see what any of you thought (emphasis is mine):

But as strides are being made on key issues of sanctity of life and social justice, as well as peaceful solutions to world conflicts, more and more evangelicals are taking a closer look at options the Democratic Party are beginning to deliver.

When he speaks of the social justice that Democratic Party is beginning to deliver, I can't really come up with anything significant.  What does he mean by social justice anyway?  By the strict definition I assume it would encompass things such as proportionate and sensible law enforcement measures, ensuring equal access to quality education/employment or protecting property rights.  These are areas of justice/fairness; areas where the Dems have not been particularly productive in my opinion.

I suspect that he was referring to what is known as the "social gospel" but used what he considered a more inclusive word.  This is a set of ideals in which care for the poor, disadvantaged and infirm is of the highest priority and government programs are a preferred method.  Since I largely agree with these tenants but differ on the means (government programs are HORRIBLE stewardship, Biblically speaking), I must disagree with Miller on this point.

The Democratic party (to a greater degree than the GOP) has long advocated the use of tax dollars to fund social programs.  While it's debatable whether or not this is a good idea, it is clearly not "justice."  It is seizing - upon threat of prison - money from more productive members of society (the ones who pay taxes) and giving it directly or indirectly to less productive members.

If we are going to have legitimate discussion and productive communication words have to mean something.  You cannot take a word that is admirable and throw it into a phrase to elicit support.

What do you guys think?  Am I nitpicking semantics?  Am I just imagining the whole thing?

LOtD - Jake

Sorry about the gap in posting.  It's been a busy week.  The team left yesterday so we had all our round-up/goodbyes on Wednesday night.  We did shashlik and later s'mores, all accompanied by plenty of good conversation and jokes.  Jake, one of the funniest guys I've ever met, was out with us and in unusual form.  I overheard a conversation snippet between he and Yana, an interpreter, that almost made me pee myself.  It went something like this:

Yana: I'm gonna miss you guys.

Jake:  I'll miss you guys too.

Yana:  It's going to be sad when you leave tomorrow.

Jake:  Nah, it's cool...  If I miss you too much, I can just mail order you.

For the slow among you (which couldn't possibly be any of the regular readers), that is a reference to the massive "mail order bride" business from eastern Europe; Yana being a young, single, local Russian girl who likes long walks on the beach and is looking for a caring man to help her with visa requirements, blah, blah blah.....

In an earlier post I posted a video of Jake's band.  It was brought to my attention that I hadn't given the band's name... Breaking Down; and you can get some of their stuff on iTunes if you liked the video.

LotD - Stacey in Louisville

I made a comment on the SLC post on Christians drinking beer; sin or no?  When you do this on a blogger site (as on most sites), there is the option to receive an email update for future comments.  The debate turned into a comments monstrosity revolving around when and how drinking is permissible for Christians.  This morning I got an email with the following comment signed by Stacy in Louisville:

"Know why you can't drink or have pre-marital sex in Bible college?"

It might lead to dancing"

I doubt the commenter just wrote it but I still loved the sarcasm.  

Goodbye Mr Jim

This morning we had to say goodbye to an invaluable member of the HopeCenter team.  Jim Hunt lived here for 2006, part of 2007 and returned again for the first half of this year.  He knows more about this facility than almost anyone outside of Andrey and Yuri.  His personally touches are on a myriad items around camp.  He created, crafted or refinished most anything wooden around here and there won't be a day that goes by in which we won't think about him and miss him.  He returns to Tomball, Tx to be reunited with his lovely wife Shari who has been gracious enough to lend him to us for these 6 months.

He was like a grandfatherly figure to me (even though he isn't really old enough to be) simply due to his massive breadth of experience.  He truly was like a grandfather to Campbell.  Every time Cam saw him around camp, his greeting was always either, "Hi Jim... working hard?" or "Hi Jim.... going to your house?"  We loved sharing meals, experiences and games of cards with him and we will certainly miss his banana bread and fresh apple cake.

Jim, if you read this when you get home, I want you to know that you have only been gone for 2 hours and we miss you already.  God bless and give our love to Shari.

LotD - Paul Dunberg's shirt

Paul had to wear this shirt several times during last camp before I really stopped to look at it.  Bearing in mind that I am big fan of quoting movies, who can be first to comment what this shirt is referencing?

If I had prizes and any means for delivering them... well.... I still probably wouldn't give you one for getting it first.  Google makes these contests too easy.

Lessons Learned and Random Thoughts

I want to make an attempt to get out in front of the rumors which some of you may hear coming out of the HopeCenter in the next few days.  Please know that what I present here is straight scoop and anything beyond that can be considered exaggeration (unless someone tells you exactly how white my face had become by the time I made it to the car).

This morning (Friday, June 27th) at around 10:30 I was cutting up a downed tree limb with an ax when I missed my intended target and sliced open my left foot.  As far as I can determine, the gash in about 5-6 inches long and maybe and inch or more deep.  Were I to have an arch (I have VERY flat feet), the cut would run roughly the length of it, just under the first foot bone (which I think are called metatarsals).  I was understandably alarmed at the flesh that I could see hanging out and though I didn't lose a dangerous amount of blood, it was enough to scare me.

At the time I was in the back corner of camp with Sarah, Campbell and another girl.  Sarah ran for help as I tried to limp towards where I knew the car would pick me up.  I had the presence of mind to use my shirt to apply pressure.  The security guard Artur came running and helped me limp further as my vision kind of blurred.  As I mentioned, I didn't lose that much blood but I do have a thing with seeing my own accompanied by whatever that gross stuff was that was hanging out of the wound.  To complicate matters, Campbell sensed the panic and wanted me to hold him.  What a strange scene of me limping with the help of Artur while carry my very concerned son.  Our rag-tag procession made it to the car where Cam and I joined Sarah, Jenya and Tanya.

Tanya drove us rapidly to the hospital - halfway to which my vision cleared and I began to look at the situation more reasonably.  Upon arrival, Jenya - all 5' 4" 125 pounds of him - bodily lifted me and transported me into the hospital and the waiting wheelchair.  It may seem melodramatic to be carried for a simple cut foot, but the issue was that I couldn't keep pressure on the wound while limping or hopping; I still felt silly.

We got to see a doctor quickly and was a bit confused when he looked at the wound and in all seriousness mumbled "maladietz," meaning "good job."  We were left to contemplate what I was being congratulated for (perhaps my clearly skillful sharpening of the ax in question) for only a minute before I was wheeled into a room for stitches (the actual number of which - both internal and external - I never determined).  After some wincing and a few deep breaths they had it all stitched up and the doctor declared that there was no muscle or artery damage, though it was close to doing both.  I think we'll have to see later if there was nerve damage.

I did have the presence of mind to realize that I would want some shots for this blog entry so below are some fuzzy phone photos (I'll blame the silly alliteration on the pain meds) of my foot.  

I am on bed rest for at least a few days with antibiotic shots and follow-up doctor visits on the agenda for a week or so.  That means that more than ever I would appreciate comments, emails, Twits, Skypes and blog posts of your own to pass my boring days.  Expect a high volume of post from my end as well.

So, back to the post title... what lessons have I learned?

First and foremost, forestry and sandals are ALWAYS a bad idea.  Secondly I would like to say that Jenya and I have become blood brothers.  Not just because I bled on him or in the Hepatitis sense of the word but in that I was there when he took a pit bull tooth straight through his right foot and he was instrumental in helping me this morning.  He made the hilarious comment that he and I would be awesome in a 3-legged race; provided we teamed up my gimpy left leg with his gimpy right (I'm calling that one as the Line of the Day).

In all seriousness, even though I think I could have made it into the hospital myself (I had already made it the 60 yards to the car mostly under my own power while simultaneously trying to care for Campbell), it was an amazing thing to see this man of small stature but enormous heart.  I was honored by the effort that he put forward on my behalf and I love him that much more for what he did for me today.

Remember, I need your comments and questions or I'll be stuck scouring YouTube for hilarity... for which I am also accepting recommendations.

LotD - Danny Baker

"There's a lot of nonsense talked about alcoholism; there really is.  If it's a disease, it's the only one that comes with buffalo wings as far as I'm concerned."

-Danny Baker, hosting BBC's 606 Football Phone-in