Nostalgia for good ol’ 80D

I have begun to realize that here in the United States, we are experiencing a growing epidemic. When I was I child, I was diagnosed with 80D. I can now admit it and counseling was beneficial in bringing me to a healthy psyche. At the time I was not sure what this disorder entailed, but I recall being extremely embarrassed to go to the nurse at lunch and take the magic pill that supposedly counteracted it. As I understand it now, the treatment for 80D involved giving a dysfunctional child a narcotic that in anyone else’s hands would have been illegal; a brilliant coup by the “legalize pot” crowd. In the past decade this horrible affliction has mutated into 80HD which apparently has all the same symptoms as its predecessor coupled with the inability to control one’s appendages, regulate the volume of one’s voice or recognize when one is embarrassing oneself in public. Only 20 years ago, this disastrous genetic leap of adding an “H” to the already crippling 80D would have been unimaginable.

Unfortunately, it did not stop here. It now appears there is an unidentifiable link between technology and the mutation speed of this disorder. While leading researchers expected 80HD to progress to 90 or even 95HD, the advances in home entertainment has led to the astronomical jump to 1080HD. This represents more than a 10 fold increase in the potency. Beyond its strength, 1080HD also appears to be more prevalent than any of its precursors (inexplicably, this is particularly true during the holiday season). Even international corporations are catering to the burgeoning segment of the society. Sony, DLP, Sharp and others have created entire lines of monitors (actually advertising their ability to function in the 1080HD realm) that are so large and specialized that they can captivate even someone afflicted with 1080HD. But what of the future? Does anyone truly believe that the mutations will stop at this level? Biology tells us no. I fear that Ritalin may not be enough to stem tide. Anarchy is coming.