You bought 50 pounds of WHAT?

My beautiful wife Sarah has a huge heart. This is a good thing because she has child-sized hands and fingers (her wedding band is size 3 ¾), wrists the size of my thumbs and roughly half the lung capacity of a small sandwich bag. Due to her diminutive size, she is also constantly cold (a tidbit of information whose relevance will become evident in a moment). That said, her loving heart more than makes up for her small stature. She writes thank you notes, she remembers people’s birthdays and, unlike her husband, she doesn’t go through stranger’s pantries when she visits their house for the first time. She can’t stomach the idea of other people suffering from the same perpetual near-hypothermia as she does. This unselfish motivation led her to make a multitude of the gift sensation that my mom calls a “corn critter.” This is essentially an enclosed cloth bag filled with feed corn that can be microwaved to create a non-electric heating pad. As you can imagine, the main ingredient for a corn critter, is…corn. The main purveyors of corn in the volume needed for a handful of critters are agricultural and feed stores. Sarah chose Colorado Agri-feed and purchased 50 lbs of what they call, whole-kernel corn. Unfortunately for Colorado Argi-feed (but fortunately for me and all others with Jr. High senses of humor), their method categorizing their corn stocks creates a receipt like the one below. You have to love people who are productive enough that they don’t catch gems of comedy like this.