Today we had a visitor to camp named Artem. He's 5 years old but roughly the same size as Cam. Since he came expecting to have a playmate here, we decided to let Cam skip his nap (something he didn't seem likely to do anyway) and play with Artem this afternoon.
They appeared to enjoy it for a while but eventually they came to an impasse. Cam wanted to play with cars; Artem wanted to ride bikes. We advised Cam to invite his new friend (who he still only knew as 'Kid') into the house to play with his cars and tracks. Unfortunately, he either couldn't convey this invitation or Artem wasn't interested because we soon heard Cam's furtive cries from outside. He had been rejected...
Sarry and I debated whether he is mature enough to yet feel that rejection or if he was just tired and angry that he didn't get his way. Whichever it is, his dirty, tear streaked face gave a preview of the day when he will be rejected and will unquestionably understand that someone doesn't want him, value him, love him....
I'm dreading that day but for now all we can do is impress upon him in no uncertain terms that he is wanted, valued and loved - regardless of what this fallen world and its inhabitants tell him.
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I think the more important issue here is that as parents, the development and maturity of our children requires many other things while UNDER the environment/pretense of unconditional love and support. That is, unconditional love and support creates the opportunity for children to mature but on its own doesn’t do our children many favors. It would be like building a greenhouse but never planting a seed or growing a plant in it. Alone, it’s virtually useless. On the flip side, a seed/plant can’t grow into maturity without a greenhouse environment. In fact, I’d even go a step further and say that unconditional love and support with nothing else can actually create children who can’t adapt to the real world as adults, really grow up/mature, manage their own emotions, etc. Obviously it’s better then the alternative, which you’ve all witnessed the outcome of that with your orphanage work.
ReplyDeleteFor some reason I see more of the practical side in this situation – such as helping Cam learn how to play well with others, how to react when things don’t go his way, how not to take things personal when people disagree with him (like healthy conflict), and even how to deal with when people start to engage him in conflict inappropriately or unfairly (like being teased on the playground). These practical skills taught over the next 10 years in an environment of love should allow him to flourish.
I appreciate your heart for Cam…but just wait until you have a little girl (if you do)! Talk about a serious issue (acceptance) for them not too mention a Father’s love for his little girl…