I am weak.

Today Campbell was singing "Jesus Loves Me" and the words "I am weak" struck a little too close to home.

About a week and a half ago we were told that we would need to leave Ukraine three months early (the beginning of July)  because a new law came into effect.  It pretty much comes down to wether you have a visa or not, you cannot stay in country longer than 180 days... and need to leave the country in the middle of that.  This got resolved for us rather quickly.  God came through in the next couple of days and we were granted an extension.  Through this time, I was fully at peace and thought "no big deal, God will work it out".   I'm glad he did work it out, and although it showed me his power, it didn't really increase my faith.  Was I asking for more faith?  I don't recall this, but... 

Then we started having trouble getting money out of the ATMs.  In fact we were not able to get any money out, and after trying for several days and going to several banks, still no luck.  Again... "not a big deal... God is in control... something will be figured out".  This by the way is still not figured out, but we at least have some cash on hand to exchange in the mean time.

Round Three... We need to get visas from Belarus (Matt is actually on his way now via train to Kiev) in order to go to our trip in 2 weeks.  (We will post more on this trip shortly.)  This of course involves paperwork in triplicate with many applications and money and pictures and letters... you get the point.  The invitation letter we were supposed to have received last week did not come until late last night.  We thought for some time that Andrey was going to have to make the ever famous 6 hour trip to Simferopol to pick it up for us.  Without this letter... no visa.  Yesterday was filled with unsuccessful trips to banks and unsuccessful attempts at filling out the application online.  

At which around this time God gave me the Round Four... no electricity.  This meant no water as well.  I'm starting to get a little more upset at this point, but figure "this happens quite often and they say it should be fixed by evening so let's not freak out yet".  Of course this hasn't really become a learning experience for me yet so it didn't actually get worked out by evening.  "Ok... take a deep breath... not much we can do about it... God will work it out."  After much convincing Tanya got us over to her place for the night where we were kept warm and fed and were able to get some showers in.  Matt still needed to figure out how we were going to get the paperwork done and printed out, get some money exchanged, and get some food before the train left at noon.  

We got back to the house... and that's when it all started to hit.  Campbell being very tired insisted on having milk (which didn't smell so good) in his McQueen sippy cup (which happened to be dirty and could not be cleaned with having no water), and Matt asked me to close the door because I was letting the cold air in.  That's when it all came out.  I really thought I had it all under control but actually I was just stuffing it... I came to realize.  And poor Sergey was in the middle of it all.  Then I heard how we were not going to be able to have the kids here for our after school program and the parents' responses to that... well it showed how little care they get at home.  Then I started to think "There are real problems in this world.  Real hurts and real needs and I lose it over this?"  How cush of a life have I lived where this is my breaking point. 

So I was reminded today that yes... I am weak.  It took some time for God to get through my pride but I am glad he did.  I have a feeling this was just the surface layer.  We now have electricity and water so my mood has been lifted.  I am thankful for the short inconvenience.  When it comes down to it, I don't like that deeper layer or what it takes to get down to it... but in some ways it's refreshing to get a wake up call.